First training in Ottawa

I am blissfully exhuasted after 4 days of preparation training here in Ottawa. I didn't have high hopes for this training, honestly, after all of the thinking that I've done around community work, travel, world advantage and disadvantage, power relationships, concepts of empowerment (a term that I don't wholeheartedly love), the importance of participatory decision making, and learning. I think about these things a lot, which is why I'm doing this whole thing to begin with. And I kind of figured that I'd get a lot of information I already have.

Our main facilitator/teacher Al, however, was incredibly skilled and knowledgable, the information was well organized, and best of all, I had the opportunity to meet other volunteers and to get to know them well. I'm not sure how I peeled myself from my seat yesterday evening to somehow make it out to get a drink with everyone - it was surely some combination of adrenaline and the need to connect that was my only energy reserve and inspiration - but I'm glad I did.

I had no idea how much I needed these people and this training to be able to have really meaningful and thoughtful discussions about the work that I'm stepping into. To re-remember how complex and messy it all is. How hard it will be. How sensitive and aware and patient I'll need to be. And what an amazing opportunity I have to be able to go somewhere and to have these challenges to work through - so that I can gain new understanding and insight about the world that we live in.

I also had no idea how much I needed all the silly and meaningful conversations alike that happen on the side at the lunch table or in the hotel rooms. There are so many things to think about as I get ready. If I had to do this alone, I'd be a stress ball for sure. Instead, a group of us were laughing until we cried as one volunteer very slowly - over the course of many minutes and varied attempts at non-direct explanations - realized that she was going to have to get really comfortable with squatting every time she uses the toilet. And what this really might mean for her day-to-day life and physical needs. I think she is signing up for yoga classes right now to prepare herself. And nowhere else have I found a group of people who were willing to talk to me for a half hour straight about how the heck to pack everything I'll need for 2 years into our 25 kilogram limit.

There never is a tidy way of understanding and approaching development work, neo-colonialism, the realness of personal power imbalances, what it means to 'help' and to 'support' (and the problems with thinking of the work that we do in this way...), and what the challenges are that we face in this world that becomes more and more visibly connected on a global scale. But I am confident that it is incredibly important to be conscious of these things and the messiness of it all - to be thinking about all of this, aware of it, and talking with others about it so that we can continue to question, learn, and to get to know ourselves (and especially our blind spots) better and better. So I am grateful to have had this group and this time to allow me to reflect and to become more conscious. Even though most of the folks in my training will never read this, I want to thank them all....and I hope that we stay in touch in our varoius placements across the globe. How lucky I am to be able to be able to do this for 2 years with the support of so many others.