Pictures from home - the desert

Part of my process in getting ready to move to Nepal has been doing lots of thinking about home. One thing I wanted to make sure to do was to visit my literal home so I took a trip through the high desert in Central Oregon where I grew up with Brian. We headed east from there through much more desert to a place that is furthest in the United States from any freeway. Sagebrush, pine needles, deer, cold nights, dust, open spaces, mountains, moments of pure silence, road trips. These are among the things that are home to me.


Mt Jefferson

Pine trees that I grew up with.


A big horned sheep hanging out on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere visiting from the mountains. A rare sight indeed.


An upside-down figure/petroglyph drawn onto a rock at Petroglyph Lake in Eastern Oregon. From thousands of years ago.






Antelope!!!

I love deer. I seem to see them everywhere these days. They keep me good company.

First training in Ottawa

I am blissfully exhuasted after 4 days of preparation training here in Ottawa. I didn't have high hopes for this training, honestly, after all of the thinking that I've done around community work, travel, world advantage and disadvantage, power relationships, concepts of empowerment (a term that I don't wholeheartedly love), the importance of participatory decision making, and learning. I think about these things a lot, which is why I'm doing this whole thing to begin with. And I kind of figured that I'd get a lot of information I already have.

Our main facilitator/teacher Al, however, was incredibly skilled and knowledgable, the information was well organized, and best of all, I had the opportunity to meet other volunteers and to get to know them well. I'm not sure how I peeled myself from my seat yesterday evening to somehow make it out to get a drink with everyone - it was surely some combination of adrenaline and the need to connect that was my only energy reserve and inspiration - but I'm glad I did.

I had no idea how much I needed these people and this training to be able to have really meaningful and thoughtful discussions about the work that I'm stepping into. To re-remember how complex and messy it all is. How hard it will be. How sensitive and aware and patient I'll need to be. And what an amazing opportunity I have to be able to go somewhere and to have these challenges to work through - so that I can gain new understanding and insight about the world that we live in.

I also had no idea how much I needed all the silly and meaningful conversations alike that happen on the side at the lunch table or in the hotel rooms. There are so many things to think about as I get ready. If I had to do this alone, I'd be a stress ball for sure. Instead, a group of us were laughing until we cried as one volunteer very slowly - over the course of many minutes and varied attempts at non-direct explanations - realized that she was going to have to get really comfortable with squatting every time she uses the toilet. And what this really might mean for her day-to-day life and physical needs. I think she is signing up for yoga classes right now to prepare herself. And nowhere else have I found a group of people who were willing to talk to me for a half hour straight about how the heck to pack everything I'll need for 2 years into our 25 kilogram limit.

There never is a tidy way of understanding and approaching development work, neo-colonialism, the realness of personal power imbalances, what it means to 'help' and to 'support' (and the problems with thinking of the work that we do in this way...), and what the challenges are that we face in this world that becomes more and more visibly connected on a global scale. But I am confident that it is incredibly important to be conscious of these things and the messiness of it all - to be thinking about all of this, aware of it, and talking with others about it so that we can continue to question, learn, and to get to know ourselves (and especially our blind spots) better and better. So I am grateful to have had this group and this time to allow me to reflect and to become more conscious. Even though most of the folks in my training will never read this, I want to thank them all....and I hope that we stay in touch in our varoius placements across the globe. How lucky I am to be able to be able to do this for 2 years with the support of so many others.

Water

Last night I dreamed that I was swimming in river in Nepal. The water was beautiful, but I had to hide myself, because I wasn't dressed correctly in the local clothes. I was worried that people would see me with my bare skin and judge me as an American floozy. As I submerged myself in the water so that I could hide myself, however, I realized that I had to be careful not to open my mouth at all. Just one mistake, and I could be drinking all sorts of bacteria that would make me extremely sick.

Water sustains all life.

Here at home, I'm surrounded by water in abundance wherever I go. I drink water out the tap, because I'm too lazy and cheap to buy fancy filtering systems. Plus, I believe that bottled water is a total scam. I can drive 35 minutes to one of the most beautiful waterfalls in the US. I take showers whenever I want to. I swim in rivers that open up to the rocks on the bottom with crystal clarity. I can visit lakes that mirror the mountains that house them. I don't feel complete unless I visit the ocean at least once every three months. The ocean washes away everything I need to let go of every time I visit. I am absolutely a water person. I define myself as someone who loves water - for it's very practical purpose, health purpose, and symbolic purpose in my life.

So I am struggling today with knowing that I'll be living in and area of the world for two years that has been said to have some of the dirtiest water in the world. Meaning that I will have to boil and filter any water that I drink, or will have to buy bottled water. The first option is just a pain. What about when I'm out and about and at a market or a restaurant? What about just being able to eat and drink what I like? The second option is just angering to me - for obvious reasons.

Today, difficulties with being surrounded by contaminated water, along with the inevitable loneliness that I will experience are top at my list of things I'm nervous about. Oh- and the malaria pills. I won't even go into the side effects of having to take malaria pills.... I have second guessed my decision to live in Nepal a couple times today. But, call for adventure still seems to win out.

Starting to think to Hetauda

I am working these days to find a fine balance between mentally preparing myself to go where I'm headed (what I might experience, how I might be successful, and what I might need to bring with me), being present where I'm at and really enjoying being in Portland these days, and not developing expectations for myself that won't help me out in the long run.

Let me just say that managing all of these internal workings is a bit exhausting. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about things that I know are not based in any kind of reality of what I might experience when I move to Nepal and then I have to pull myself back to whatever is happening in the moment. But at other times I find myself so immersed in whatever is right in front of me that I forget absolutely that I'll be in another country in less than 3 months. And I remember that I want to speak at least a few Nepali phrases when I arrive, and I definitely want to have a handle on what history and cultural information I'm able. Brian taught me this: the importance of research. All of this is a lot to think about, however, and sometimes I've been waking up in the middle of the night recently with my newest thoughts about what I should be doing.

In reality, I have no road map, because I've never done anything like this before. And not having the road map is what makes it all simultaneously exciting and unnerving.

When I don't know how else to prepare, I've been going online and seeing what kind of information I can find about Hetauda - the town that I'll be living in. There are so many things that I can't know yet - like what my work will be like, how I'll be received in Nepal, what I'll be eating everyday, and - most important to me in the moment - whether I'll be making trips to Kathmandu for my toilet paper or whether I'll be "going native." But I *do* know that I'll be living in Hetauda and can research what I'm able about the town. Thank goodness for the internet. Above are two pictures that I found. This is what I imagine it will be like where I'll live. I bet I will enjoy comparing this post/pictures with pictures and thoughts when I actually arrive.