Newari engagement ceremony

Newari bride-to-be
Grandfather of the bride-to-be holding a pastry frog

Bride-to-be feeding her fiancee cake.

Wedding party member handing over 2 live fish in a water bottle to the fiancee's family.

Young Newari boy wearing a traditional hat and a western-style suit.

Husband-to-be's mother feeding the bride-to-be cake.

Above: friends I made at the engagement ceremony....

The other day a group of us who were standing around not really knowing what to do were unexpectedly warmly invited to a wedding engagement ceremony happening at the same center where we have our language training. The ceremony was happening in preparation for a wedding to happen about 10 days later.

Once everything started, the grandfather of the bride grandly took his place at the center of the room to officially welcome everyone, and also to explain to us foreigners a bit about what was happening. He explained to us that they were Newari people – one of about 70 different ethnic groups here in Nepal. The engagement ceremony is the 8^th of 16 life ceremonies that the Newari celebrate, the first being a naming ceremony, and the second being a rice ceremony when a baby is finally old enough to eat solid food.

Most of the traditions for the engagement ceremony are very ancient, he said. It was important to him that we know what was going on, and that we felt included. There were certain foods to be given to the goddesses that were laid out beautifully on trays (whole fish, elegant pastries, and colorful candies). There were frogs (made out of pastry) to symbolize Newari ancestry (the Newar come from frogs, unlike others who come from monkeys), and live fish in water to symbolize longevity and health. After all, he explained, many creatures have come and gone from the earth, but the fish has been around since the beginning.

There was only one new tradition that had been added to the mix – western-style cake. I can’t really know, but my guess is that the cake came from watching weddings in movies from the west. Much of the ceremony revolved around cake being fed to others in a very serious and ceremonial way: first the bride-to-be to her new mother-in-law, then to her new brothers, and so on. Each time she would feed them a bite first, and then they a bite to her. Finally, her fiancée came and they exchanged pieces of cake with one another.

The bride-to-be was exquisitely dressed and looked like she could have walked out of a historical film. Her eyes were downcast during the ceremony and I didn’t see her until everything was complete and we were at dinner afterwards. She looked quite young, and this was an arranged marriage, which is common here still.

The ceremony was fairly short, and afterwards everyone went to the dining hall for a delicious dinner. We lucked out, getting a special Nepali meat dish in addition to our “regular” food and a dessert.

Nights like this – and the complete willingness of people here to involve us in their lives so openly and warmly – make up for the harder things by a long shot. I had a moment while I was sitting and watching the ceremony where I felt truly transported to a different time and place – it felt surreal almost. I realized that all my doubts about whether coming to Nepal or not had vanished. I couldn’t imagine being happier anywhere else that moment in time.