Dancing and Tea

I'm not going to lie. While beautiful and good - in so many ways - the last few weeks have also been really challenging and hard.

I heard that my grandmother (and last living grandparent) has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and likely only has a couple of more months to live. She - and my father - are some of the most positive and flexible people I know, however, and my only challenge is a personal challenge of not being able to be there - for myself - to witness the process, be a part of this process. It feels really hard right now to be in Nepal and to not be in the Northwest.

Being with my other grandmother, Baba Dear, as she died last year, was profound for me in many ways, and one of the experiences I feel most grateful for in my life so far.

In addition, there is no end in sight to being really busy at work, so I have shifted from waiting for down time to realizing I need to carve out time to take care of myself and to stay in touch with people. It all happened so quickly, that realizing this has come bit by bit and through a bit of shock (what? this busy? in Nepal?).

Then I got an eye infection (from either a bug bite or something in the water) and my mosquito bites have become infected. I have never experienced this before. Maybe something to do with the climate and humidity? I am only moaning at this point - eye infection has cleared up and I have good medicine for my bites.

Then my camera broke. When I took it to Kathmandu to get it fixed, not only did they not fix it, but they stole my memory card (and photos that were still on it). That was really frustrating...

Anyways, I am not really feeling very negative or in despair. Though I have enjoyed a couple of good breakdowns in the last couple of days with friends. A good cry at the right time with the right person (or alone) really does help a lot of things, I think.

While not being at home with my family as we come to terms with realizing my grandmother won't likely live much longer is just really, really hard....the rest of everything is really a welcome, though highly uncomfortable, loss of a feeling of any sense of real control.

I've always tried to maintain as much of an illusion of being in control as possible - mostly for myself. And can't even really try right now. It's humbling, transforming, and really good for me.

In the meantime, I have been having a ton of fun visiting with other volunteers, visiting village homes, dressing up in saris, dancing, and always making time to enjoy a good glass of tea.

Over the last couple of years I have come to realize that a glass of warm tea is the cure to just about anything in life. Definitely, every Nepali I have met must agree, from the extensive research that I've conducted so far. Lots revolves around drinking tea here... Even if for just 15 minutes of warmth, comfort, balance, joy, and everything in the world - just for a moment - feeling just right.

Above: pictures of me enjoying Teej - a multi-day Nepali holiday where women dress in red, dance, fast, pray, and then bathe in the river. And a picture of "amma" (mother) making tea for myself, two of my friends, and the rest of the family in her upstairs kitchen of a mud house in what must be one of the most beautiful places in the world, Palung, where I spent last weekend.

Photos by Akke Antje Hettama