Asan in the evening - and blog audiences

These two pictures are a holding point as I decide what to do with this blog. I took these on one of my walks home from the VSO office to my apartment. A long, chaotic, sometimes exhausting, often magical, walk.

I started this blog because I saw this as one tool that could help keep my connection with my friends and family at home while I am away for so long.

I thought it could also be a way of also processing some of my personal experiences, since I have a hard time motivating myself to write in my journal, but can respond s to my mother's requests for letting her know what is going on with me already.

I figured that I would have a regular readership of about exactly 4. That would be: my mother and my sister, Brian (who, as one of my best friends, is always consistent and there for me and is the type of person to check this regularly no matter what), and a friend here or there who would randomly remember me and wonder what I was up to.

Having a sense that only a few people would ever see what I wrote was actually very freeing. I felt like I could say whatever was really on my mind.

After some time (and with the help of blogger stats), I realized that actually there were a lot of people reading my blog. A lot. Well, this is in comparison to what I expected. Not in comparison to what blogs are capable of.

The highest number of page hits - up until recently - were always from the United States. Naturally. But over time, more and more also from Nepal and India. And now, friends in Nepal outnumber my friends from home looking at whatever I post quite regularly.

In a way, this shows a shift that has also happened within me in the last year and a half. The more and more I am here, the more I am connected to Nepal and the less and less I feel connected to the United States and what is happening there on a daily basis.

In smaller numbers, I've seen a lot of people reading from Saudi Arabia, Australia, Germany, Russia, and Iran. I get a page hit or two from specific friends in Uganda or elsewhere, as well. In total, around 900 page hits every month.

I feel loss around the fact that my wider circle of friends back home don't read my blog as often anymore. Of course, I don't know which specific individuals are actually reading and not reading (unless they tell me). But I can see which country someone is reading from.

I take this as a sign that I am further in the back of the mind of people's who lives are full and busy and moving on. I've been gone for too long. I know this.

Writing for people that I know and love feels really satisfying to me. Writing for someone who may read this is Saudi Arabia is exciting (because technology's ability to connect people is amazing and I LOVE thinking that my experience can be connected to someone's in a country I have never visited in some way), but it also feels a bit odd to me. I can see that someone has looked at, say, 19 posts. But I don't know who they are, why they stumbled across my blog, or what they think about anything I write. There is no conversation or connection with this person (directly at least).


And because the intention of keeping this record was to keep my connection with friends and community at home, I am now wondering where realizing all of this now leaves me.

I'm off on leave soon. Time to get away and refresh. Maybe I'll have new insight when I return.